Star Wars Takeaways from a Galactic Idiot

If you know me, you know I’ve never been a fan of Star Wars. I didn’t grow up on the films and I’ve always found sci-fi to be incredibly boring. At the same time, I’m also one to give things a chance.

After watching ‘The Mandalorian’ with my family over the holidays and seeing ‘The Rise of Skywalker’ with Nic, Big J and Ian, I found myself left with nothing but questions and curiosity.  That’s when I stumbled upon the full timeline of Star Wars films and decided it was finally time to watch them all in order. So, I did just that.

Here’s a few takeaways I jotted down in my phone while watching each one: 

Episode I – The Phantom Menace 

  • Young Anakin is a cute kid and it’s hard to believe he’s going to the dark side soon. 
  • While it was still technically the 90s, the CGI is ridiculous. Jar Jar Binks looks like a cartoon and the explosions seem as though someone tossed around a handful of Pop-Its on the Fourth of July.
  • Watching anything with Yoda will never be the same after knowing “Baby Yoda” exists. 
  • Pretty sure Darth Maul was also the bass player for Mudvayne.

Episode II – Attack of the Clones 

  • Teenager Anakin is a total creep.
  • By far my least favorite Star Wars movie.
  • It’s nice to see Samuel L. Jackson finally do what he does best and fight instead of sitting in his chair next to Yoda.
  • Also, things are getting way too political for my liking as I usually turn to movies and music as an escape. 

Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

  • Anakin becoming Darth Vader is strangely intriguing to watch.
  • This was my favorite of the prequels. 
  • Were we supposed to be surprised that Palpatine is Sidious? You can see his smug face under the Sith hoodie the whole time!
  • Natalie Portman for life. Period. 

Solo

  • Not Harrison Ford did a good job playing Harrison Ford.
  • Donald Glover is a badass as Lando.
  • How did Darth Maul come back after being cut in half? I need answers. 
  • It was interesting to learn how Han Solo got his name, how he met Chewbacca and acquired the Mellenian Falcon.

Rogue One

  • Seems like two hours of fighting scenes just to finally acquire the damn plans.
  • I wouldn’t mess with Darth Vader (even with your lightsaber).
  • The ending was everything, but now we’re taking a time capsule back to the 70s.

Episode VI – A New Hope

  • I actually liked this movie a lot more now having seen the other ones first.
  • Luke Skywalker kissed his sister.
  • Down with the Death Star!

Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

  • Luke Skywalker learns his ancestry without 23 and Me.
  • I finally know what a Force Ghost is.
  • The snowman thing at the beginning  reminded me of riding the Matterhorn at Disneyland.

Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

  • Even though the special effects get a little wonky, this might be my favorite of the originals.
  • The face Luke makes when he realizes he kissed his sister in the previous movie is priceless.
  • What’s with the fight scene in the desert? I felt like I was watching a brawl amongst the robots at Chuck E. Cheese.
  • Darth Vader actually has a heart? Kind of. (insert black heart emoji) 

The Mandalorian

  • The entire time I watched, I was thinking it took place prior to the original trilogy and we were actually finding out how “Baby Yoda” becomes Yoda. I was wrong.
  • Sure didn’t expect to see Bill Burr as a Star Wars character.
  • How dare you punch “Baby Yoda!”

The Force Awakens

  • I feel like everyone we’re introduced to is a self-proclaimed amazing pilot. 
  • Oh hey, it’s a reunion of old friends.
  • I’m jealous of Kylo Ren’s voice.
  • The pivotal Han Solo/Kylo Ren scene had me pretty bummed out.
  • The good guys have something the bad guys want and someone on the dark side is related to someone on the good side with lots of fighting and internal conflict. So, it’s basically a remake of the original trilogy wrapped up into one movie, but with much better graphics.

The Last Jedi

  • Rey is a bit of a Skywalker stalker, is she not?
  • It’s clear that Kylo Ren inherited Vader’s black heart.
  • I’ll be honest, I was pretty Star Wars’d out by this point and started to check out.

The Rise of Skywalker

  • I watched this with Nic, Big J and Ian before watching the others, so I just tried piecing things together the best I could.
  • I will refrain from posting any spoilers in case you haven’t seen it yet.
  • Listen to our full take here (the other guys know that they are talking about): https://www.xrock.com/episode/s3e10-star-wars-the-rise-of-skywalker/ 

Well, my friends. This was definitely something I never expected to do, but here we are. Will I now call myself a true fan of Star Wars? No, but I appreciate the films and those who love them the same way I love the 90s and rock music. Do I still think Star Wars is mostly unexpected ancestry revelations with lightsabers, like a series of Jerry Springer episodes placed in a galaxy far, far away? Sort of, but at least I now have a greater appreciation and understanding of the phenomenon. May the force…

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts and opinions. Everything stated here is meant in a fun, lighthearted nature. I still love you.

-Randy