This is Growing Up
Blink 182 has a song called Dammit, in which the chorus states- “Well I guess this is growing up.” The young punk rocker inside of me latched onto that line, and whenever something in life happened, good or bad. I quietly muttered that line to myself. It became sort of a staple statement to get me through just about anything.
When I first got the gig here at The X, one thing became glaringly apparent. I was easily the youngest member in the crew, having just turned 20. This also made some of the individuals here, twice my senior, some close to three times.
It came with a label I didn’t mind, and honestly still don’t- Little Baby Adam. Now, I realize it’s just a name, a handle at best. I started to embrace it.
-Sure, I don’t understand car loans and the rate attached to it. I’m so young.
-Totally, cold leftover pizza is a solid breakfast meal. I’m young and fit enough.
-Why wouldn’t I spend $60 on a new game, when I have $100 in my bank account, $40 can make it to next pay day, right? No matter how wrong I was, I kept it going.
These things are all the mentality of Little Baby anyone.
There’s a movie I adore- Swingers. A solid film involving Vince Vaughn and Jon Faverau, in which towards the end, Vince drunkenly stands on a table and screams to Jon- “YOU GROWS UP AND YOU GROWS UP AND YOU GROWS UP!” Great scene, carried it with me even at a young age.
While recanting this scene, and the Blink 182 lyrics above, I started to think of all my “grows up” moments.
– I graduated from high school. That makes me grown up, right?
– I landed my first on air show in radio. Grown up. Totally.
– First appartment- freedom. Must mean adulthood.
– Kids stop at shows and ask for autographs, I still don’t get that, but if I’m influencing the young, I MUST HAVE GROWN UP SOMEWHERE!
The list goes on.
My nubile brain thought that was all true.
Then reality stepped in.
On August 14th- I grow up.
Going from Little Baby Adam to what I’m referring to as Dadam. (Dad-am)
My wonderful girlfriend of 3 years, Lisa, and I will be expecting a little baby boy we’ve named Liam.
Now, I was advised that this may not be the place to make a birth announcement, and that’s not what this is, rather a realization in light of the amazing chaos.
Growing up is now no longer about me, my success, my life.
Growing up is about everything -other- than me. Those involved. The ones you’d give anything for.
Now instead of spending hours day dreaming about the newest game release- I find myself thinking about which old titles Liam needs to play before I buy him the Playstation 9.
I’ll notice myself thinking, “Maybe Jack In The Box for the 4th time this week isn’t a good idea.”
Or perhaps the biggest piece, “I suppose I don’t need to stay up until 4am, as I’m going to have plenty of sleepless nights ahead anyway.”
They tell every parent to be, “You’ll never be prepared.” A statement that I’ve never liked in any category. With high level of diagnosed anxiety, the “unknown” freaks me out. Not being able to change that is even worse. But for some reason, this piece of unexpected news- doesn’t even really have me shook.
In fact, I’ve never been more excited in my life.
I can’t wait to answer stupid questions, followed by copious amounts of “Why?”
I can’t wait to attend horribly long and unnecessary school events.
I can’t wait to watch him attempt his own forms of “Growing Up”
I can’t wait until he realizes the voice on the radio is mine, hopefully he gets excited.
I can’t wait until the day I can take him to a concert, backstage, maybe even get his favorite artist to shake his hand. (For the love of god don’t be the Wiggles.)
And I can’t wait for the X-Family to get a chance to meet him, from my co-DJs- all of which are like fathers and brothers to me, to the listeners who have helped raise me from the ashes, and sculpted me into who I am today- for as much of Me and Lisa is genetically a part of Liam- the rest of you will also be there, every minute of every day, even if he doesn’t know it.
Am I prepared? As much as one can be.
Am I scared? Petrified.
But for some reason, I haven’t been able to wipe this stupid grin from my face since I found out.
“I guess this is growing up”